6 Ways to Cope While Raising Kids and Caring for Elderly Parents
The “Sandwich Generation” is the experience of caring for an elderly parent or relative while raising children. There is almost nothing more draining, stressful, emotional, and guilt-inducing. I know what it’s like because I’ve been there. It is possible to reclaim some peace and order in your life.
My Mother Fell Down Again—and My Kids Are Constantly Acting Out. Help!
If your child is:. Anxious about what’s going on in the family. Sad about the changes their grandparents/relatives are going through. Feeling ignored because your attention is diverted elsewhere. Or just plain angry and feeding off the stress in your household, acting-out behavior may occur.
1. Stop the “Screech”…and Breathe
Everyone is responding to “screech with screech,” so I tell my clients to take four deep breaths and clear their heads. Consistent, mindful breathing calms us down and ensures that our brains get the oxygen they need.
2. No More “Shoulda, Coulda, Wouldas”
It takes a lot of effort to let go of guilt, especially for those of us in the Sandwich Generation. Recognize where you might need some help or support, and don’t get caught up in the “coulda-shoulda-woulda’s” because it’s counterproductive.
3. Ask for Help…And Say “Yes” to It
If you’re raising children while also caring for an elderly or sick relative, there is help available; the key is knowing where to look for it. School social workers and guidance counselors can be helpful in locating resources and services for your child and family.
4. Include Your Child in the Family Plan
When information is kept “age appropriate,” it will reduce your child’s fear, anxiety, and acting-out behaviors. Helping others makes us feel needed and wanted.
5. The 3 R’s: Respite, Respite and Respite
Schedule “respite” into your calendar, or call someone to talk to. Home care agencies have people trained to care for your loved one, and they can provide respite so you can get out for a while.
6. Stay in Touch
Feeling isolated and alone is one of the worst parts of caring for others; if you don’t have anyone to talk to, there are many caregiver support groups in the United States near you.
How do you get parents to stop yelling?
Consider this your yelling rehab manual, a 10-step plan for regaining control of your external voice.
- Know your triggers.
- Warn your children.
- Take a break.
- Make a Yes List.
- Teach the lesson later.
- Know what is expected of you.
- Be proactive.
- Adjust your expectations.
How do you deal with an annoying elderly parent?
When Elderly Parents Refuse to Help: 8 Communication Strategies
- Accept the situation.
- Choose your battles.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself.
- Treat your aging parents like adults.
- Ask them to do it for the kids (or grandkids)
- Find an outlet for your feelings.
- Include them in future plans.
How do you deal with an argumentative elderly?
4 Senior Care Strategies for Dealing With Disputed Parents
- Accept the situation.
- Find a way to express your emotions.
- Treat your parents with the utmost respect.
- Look past the surface behavior.
Why does everyone in my house yell?
Yelling is a form of verbal aggression that conveys the yeller’s desire to be the loudest and most dominant person in the room. If someone is yelling, it’s a safe bet that the yeller is feeling out of control and wants to take control of the situation.
Why is my mom constantly yelling at me?
Your parent is enraged for whatever reason, even if he or she is wrong, and the yelling is a sign of frustration and a desire to be heard by you; responding with aggression will make them feel misunderstood, leading to more yelling in the future.
What to do if your mom is shouting at you?
If your parents are yelling at you, try reasoning with them. Tell them you’re not being rude, but no one is perfect, then say you’re sorry, and if that doesn’t work, say you need to go to the bathroom. Doing so will gradually make the situation fade away.
Are you legally responsible for your elderly parents?
In the United States, requiring children to care for their elderly parents is a state-by-state issue, with some states requiring no such obligation. Currently, 27 states have filial responsibility laws, but children in Wisconsin are not legally liable for their elderly parents’ care.
How do you deal with a difficult elderly mother?
With this in mind, here are some suggestions for dealing more effectively with a difficult elderly parent.
- Be sensitive.
- Talk about your concerns without putting pressure on your parent.
- Work together to find compromises.
- Accept their decision.
- Pick your battles.
- Choose your timing.
Why are elderly so stubborn?
A senior may become stubborn for a variety of reasons, including: feeling depressed about the deaths of a spouse, friends, or family members; feeling left out of the family; and fearing that the family will place them in a nursing home.
What stage of dementia is anger?
Aggressive Behavior by Dementia Stage Anger and aggression are most likely to appear as symptoms in the middle stages of dementia, along with other concerning habits such as wandering, hoarding, and unusual compulsive behaviors.
What causes personality changes in the elderly?
Dementia, stroke, grief over the loss of a loved one, or the loss of freedom can all cause sudden personality changes in the elderly.
Can an elderly person be forced into care?
Obtaining guardianship (also known as conservatorship) of a person is the only legal way to force them to enter a long-term care facility against their will.
What is the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child?
“Without a doubt, the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child is ‘I don’t love you’ or ‘you were a mistake,” wrote Ellen Perkins.
What happens to a child’s brain when you yell?
One study compared brain MRI scans of people who had a history of parental verbal abuse in childhood with scans of people who did not have a history of abuse. This is because humans process negative information and events more quickly and thoroughly than positive ones.
Can yelling at a child be harmful?
New research suggests that yelling at kids can be just as harmful as hitting them; the effects of harsh physical and verbal discipline were found to be frighteningly similar in the two-year study. A child who is yelled at is more likely to exhibit problem behavior, which leads to more yelling.